Dogs can colour co-ordinate

These dogs are very clever. They have sorted themselves out according to colour! The orangey ones are on the right, but the one with black is on the left. Their two matching pals stand nearby. Good effort dogs!

Get your dogs desexed!

Storm, the white fluffy sex-maniac featured last month, is seen here creeping up on an unsuspecting corgi. Storm has been stalking several dogs at once in the kennels, reflecting the need for dogs to be DESEXED so they don't turn into roaming lotharios. Storm's had the snip now, but it takes a month for the hormones to leave the system. In the meantime, thanks Storm for continuing to entertain us with your antics! Also, thank you cute corgi, 'B', now adopted, for being so PATIENT and for not pressing charges!

Great dogs from THE PAST!

Neatorama has a good link about some RAVE-WORTHILY REMARKABLE dogs in history: http://www.neatorama.com/2008/08/11/and-my-dogs-cant-even-roll-over/

I think a special mention should go to the dogs belonging to King John of England (1199-1216) possibly the most unpopular English king ever. See his dogs lovingly follow their tyrannical, treacherous, homicidal master? Further proof that dogs are GREAT because they LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY!*

Unfortunately, people who dump sick or old dogs like Mouse (featured yesterday) DON'T love unconditionally.

*Love humans that is, not stags. I think the stag in this picture is pretty much done for.

Is it really wrong to shoot neglectful owners?

This lovely, tiny, fragile ball of fluff is 10. He has no teeth and a wonky jaw so he finds it hard to eat. So what did his previous owners do?

a) Take him to a vet and get the best possible care for him.
b) Dump him.

Yes, b.

What would I like to do to those heartless people?

a) Feed them to the large meat-loving sturgeon at Ocean Park?
b) Push them into an erupting volcano which is about to spew red hot sizzling lava?
c) Force them to organise England's 2012 Olympic opening ceremony?

Yes, definitely C. A and B would be too quick.

Dogs can ACT!

There should be more movies with dogs in. Dogs can ACT. There should be a dog RADA or something. See how this dog, 'Z'* APPEARS to be sleeping? Actually, it is wide awake and just PRETENDING to be asleep so that I won't give it it's eye drops. Later it PRETENDED to be fascinated by something happening on the other side of the kennels, just when I was again approaching with the eye drops. Z, you would win a Dog Oscar for sure!

I bet Z's previous owners never won an award.

*(real identity protected in case he decides on a movie career later)

Dogs can turn INVISIBLE!

Dogs have superpowers! Canine 'Z' has amazing powers as well as great acting skills. Can you spot this dog in the photograph?

No? That's because it can turn invisible!* It did this when I was approaching for the third time with the eyedrop bottle (it was fourth tie lucky in the end).

* Some have erroneously claimed that Z moved before I pressed the button on the camera, but that's just nonsense.

SON OF PIRATE DOGS!

This is Bart, son of the dogs featured yesterday, who has the same name as a FAMOUS PIRATE! Rrraaarrr! http://www.thepiratesrealm.com/Bartholomew%20Roberts.html

Unlike this pirate, Bart has not attacked 400 ships, killed dozens of seadogs or obtained 50 million pounds of loot. Instead, he just lazes around the kennels and submits to petting by his kennel volunteer fans.

Pity about the loot bit.

PIRATES! DESERTED ISLANDS! DOGS!

OK, I don't know for sure that these dogs were actually marooned with their pirate owners as they were found sans humans, but they definitely came from boats. They were found living on a remote deserted island and had puppies together. The devoted canine 'Mr and Mrs Crusoe' have gorgeous natures and all but one of their children has now been adopted. Their hobbies are smooching, walking, licking volunteers and eating. The pirates who dumped them on the island were heartless and cold-blooded (typical pirate behaviour, but still, very wrong).

Springers need exercise

The clue is in the name - 'springer' spaniel. 'To spring' means to leap forward. This suggests energy and action. The mush-for-brains-people who gave up this beautiful springer at the kennels last week took it out - wait for it - ONCE a week. Yes, only ONCE. And they wondered why it had some behavioural problems. I think I would have behavioural problems if I didn't go out each day. I'd probably spend my days of confinement surfing the net, finding out how to build a laser beam out of everyday household objects and blast my way out. This dog is not so techno-savy, so he just nipped them instead. Fair enough.

Dogs can bring BOOZE

Aaaaahhhhh. Wine....Beer....G&Ts...and DOGS

Saint Bernards are AWESOME because they carry brandy in little kegs around their necks. They can also find people trapped in snow and probably know karate too.

http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=WewdcMDSNm8 (ignore silly jaws soundtrack)
This black lab is FLIPPING FANTASTIC. For some reason its misguided owner thought the bottom of the swimming pool was the fridge and dropped their beer there. The DUTIFUL DOG, realising the urgent need their kerfuffled human had for beer, dived gracefully in to get it! I bet this dog could also mix a perfect cocktail.

Unfortunately, the dog on the right is carrying a useless non-alcoholic bottle of lucozade. This is not the fault of the dog. It is the owner's fault for not training him properly. This just highlights how vital it is to take your dog for training classes.

Lassie's owner was IRRESPONSIBLE

Dogs are not there to get you out of every stupid scrape you get yourself into while pretending to be a cowboy or sheriff or other such nonsense. If you fall in a well, use your mobile phone and call THE EMERGENCY SERVICES. Don't call your dog to follow your stupidity by leaping in to save you. It wasn't the dog who wasn't watching what they were doing. Or, if you must try and single-handedly apprehend a gang of cockney armed criminals, don't whistle for your dog to come and steal their guns with his teeth while you distract them. It could put him in danger. Call the emergency srvices. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FOR! Timmy was an IRRESPONSIBLE DOG OWNER.

Did you know that 'Lassie' is a trademark for a type of collie dog which is only descended from Pal, the first Lassie? There is no trademark for 'Timmy' because he is a LIABILITY.

Not a lion

This dog is HUMUNGOUS, golden, has 4 legs and a tail and has big teeth LIKE A LION. Thankfully he is NOT A LION, so when I was giving him his medicine in chicken yesterday he didn't eat my arm along with it, although I had to withdraw my pinkies pretty quickly as his mouth is enormous. His name is Victor, and he certainly is an OVERCOMER, as his evil former owner kept him and his mum and sister on a rooftop with no shelter, no exercise and no interaction with humans and yet HE IS STILL AFFECTIONATE and a SOFTIE; again, not like most lions, who would probably have POUNCED ON AND EATEN Victor's previous crummy owner. In this respect, it is a shame Victor is not a lion. Nom nom nom nom nom!

On dogs, hairy ears look good

This dog has the FLUFFIEST ears in the kennels. On him, hirsute ears are an asset. On humans, they are very much associated with being hit with the ugly stick. Look at the close-up of his left fluffy ear. Are you not MOVED by the fluff? Are you not at this very moment going 'AaaaaaaahhhHH!' His previous owners probably couldn't concentrate on their everyday lives because they were besotted with the fluff. I'd rather think that was the reason they abandoned him, rather than them being VILE HEARTLESS CHEAPSKATES who didn't want to pay for his operation to remove cysts. No, I'd much rather think it was the fluffiness.

Dogs are COOL

Look at this cool dog. He is so cool walking away with the treats he has just swiped. He knows he rules. He doesn't need designer sunglasses and a leather coat to look cool.

His previous owners were NOT COOL. I am happy to report this dog is SO COOL that's it's new, discerning owners are HIS PETS! They love this dog. Because he is COOL.

DOG E-CARDS

This website is something to RAVE about rather than RANT, especially as humans and animals both get helped through clicking: www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/selectecard.faces?siteId=3

Personally, I prefer the more abusive and insulting www.someecards.com but that's just me.

Dogs can AIM

Time for a rant about something else.

You've been to the cinema to watch a film about SUPER DOGS rescuing Tokyo from a giant mutant lizard. Then you queue up with all the other audience members who need to go. You squeeze into the cubicle. There before you is a DISGUSTING MESS. WHY can't people be clean? It isn't hard. Heck, we get daily practise yet people still leave A FOUL MESS. AIM people, AIM and WIPE. Or, if you are using the open toilet in a remote Chinese village and are a western tourist, aim, wipe and SMILE for your audience! Do not get all shy and embarrassed and drop the loo paper.
Like I did.

Dogs do not soil their own territory. Usually. Human beings seem to do it all the time! Why can't people keep the toilet clean? This is Eccles on the right; he makes perfect pretty poo circles every time! I bet his previous owner couldn't. Unfortunately, he makes them anywhere. But he does this cute manouevre of putting his paws over his eyes as if playing peek a boo with you. You can't get annoyed with a dog that can do that cute trick. Humans don't do this so they cannot get away with not aiming. YOU ARE JUST NOT CUTE ENOUGH PEOPLE!